


No More Secrets

by BrownTyto



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-28 09:58:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13901625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrownTyto/pseuds/BrownTyto
Summary: "Pulling open the classroom door, Yuri was surprised to see the closet open and the light on. ‘Someone must have forgotten them on the way out,’ she reasoned as she located Monika’s flash drive on the desk where she said it would most likely be. Thinking that perhaps it was a good thing that she had needed to come back to the school, she walked toward the closet with the intention of putting things as they should have been. No need to waste the electricity and get scolded by a teacher.She was surprised to suddenly hear a sniffle and a sob from inside as she got closer, and her brow furrowed in concern and curiosity. Leaning around the doorway, she saw a petite figure huddled in the far corner with her head down and her arms around her legs. “Natsuki?” she inquired gently."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings! BrownTyto here! I'm the same one from over on FF.net, but I wanted to try this site too. This is my first time writing for this fandom, and I hope you enjoy what I came up with. Without any further ado, I invite you to read on.

              Yuri shuddered as she tugged her coat closer around her. Normally, she would be curled up in her room with her latest book and a nice cup of tea at this time of the evening, especially with the winter wind’s bladed bite in the air as it was now. ‘Hmm. ‘Winter’s bladed bite’,’ she considered, ‘Perhaps I can use that some time.’ She fished in her pocket for the school’s main door key as she mused to herself, eventually giving up and shedding her gloves in favor of more dexterity. Locating the key, she twisted it in the lock and ducked into the building as quickly as she could, blowing hot air on her chilled hands to warm them.

              Most of the time, living close to the school as she did was a godsend. If she was running behind or needed to hurry home in the evening for some reason, knowing her house was nearby kept her anxiety to a manageable level. This, however, was not one of those times. The only reason she was out right now was because of her proximity to the school. Just as she had been settling in Monika had called her and asked that she please go retrieve her green USB drive from the club room and “please, please” send her a file that contained an assignment that was due in the morning. Monika knew she had Sayori’s door key as they all had agreed that, while the vice-president of the club, she was more than a touch forgetful. She had glanced longingly at her novel, stifled a groan, and agreed. After all, it would be selfish of her to refuse when it would easily take her club president three times as long for the same task.

              Pulling open the classroom door, Yuri was surprised to see the closet open and the light on. ‘Someone must have forgotten them on the way out,’ she reasoned as she located Monika’s flash drive on the desk where she said it would most likely be. Thinking that perhaps it was a good thing that she had needed to come back to the school, she walked toward the closet with the intention of putting things as they should have been. No need to waste the electricity and get scolded by a teacher.

              She was surprised to suddenly hear a sniffle and a sob from inside as she got closer, and her brow furrowed in concern and curiosity. Leaning around the doorway, she saw a petite figure huddled in the far corner with her head down and her arms around her legs. “Natsuki?” she inquired gently.

              The younger girl’s reaction was as instantaneous as it was violent. She gasped as she flung herself out of her little ball, throwing both arms wide and against the shelves, ready to use them to haul herself to her feet at the slightest hint of a need for escape. Her eyes were open as wide as they could go, filled to the brim with terror, and her chest heaved as she fought sudden panic. But, all of that was of secondary concern to Yuri. What really caught her attention was the cut and bruised cheek and the glistening wetness making its way down her battered face.

              As recognition settled over her, Natsuki’s eyes took on their familiar hardness and she ranted, “Geez, Yuri! You scared the crap out of me! What are you doing here?”

              Ignoring her question, Yuri stepped further into the closet and crouched down in front of her. “Natsuki, what happened?” she worried, reaching forward to carefully hold the undamaged sides of her friend’s head and tilt it under the light for better inspection.

              Natsuki knocked her hands away even as she ripped her head out of her grasp. “Get off me! It’s nothing,” she dismissed, though she somehow didn’t seem as confident as before. Her voice had lost a certain edge to it.

              Her face turned bright red as she realized how forward she had just been without even thinking. “S-sorry,” she mumbled, running her fingers through her long hair in nervous habit. She wished with all her heart that Sayori would magically appear to help her with this. Sayori always knew what to say. Meanwhile, she had already managed to make things as awkward as she was in record time. Screwing up her courage and trying to channel the red head, Yuri took a big breath and stammered, “But, th-that’s not ‘nothing’, Natsuki. D-did someone hurt you?”

              “No, my face always looks like this, didn’t you notice?” she grumbled sarcastically, rolling her eyes at the stupid question. She crossed her arms and rested them on her legs, refusing to meet her eyes as she said, “Just leave me alone.”

              A twinge of frustration displaced some of her lingering embarrassment and strengthened her resolve. “Fine, let me try again. Hopefully, I can put it to you in a more acceptable form: _Who_ hurt you?” she demanded, sitting down on her knees in a clear demonstration of her intent to stay. So much for imitating Sayori...

              Natsuki growled low in her throat. “Seriously, Yuri, you are pissing me off. Go! It doesn’t matter! You can’t do anything about it anyway, so get lost!” she yelled, fists balling up.

              One thing that could be said for Yuri, she didn’t stand her ground often, but when she did, when she really dug in her heels, she was practically immoveable. “Of course it ‘matters’!” she shouted back, “Whoever did this should be punished! How can you think so little of yourself? You know they will get away with it if you stay silent.”

              The smaller girl pounded one fist on the shelf behind her and threatened, “So help me, I will slug you if you don’t get out of here now!”

              Now it was Yuri’s turn to roll her eyes, “Well there’s a typical Natsuki response for you. ‘If you can’t calmly discuss a problem, hit it.’ Why can’t you just-“

              “ _It was my dad, ok_?!” Natsuki roared, her words killing Yuri’s; and, once they got going, they couldn’t seem to stop, “There! Are you satisfied now? Does it make you happy to know that my dad hits me? That all those times I said he’d kill me I might actually mean it? Congratulations, _Yuri_! You solved the mystery! ‘Who beat up Natsuki? Why none other than her father! I know, so many people want to take a swing at her, looks like someone beat them to it! Literally!’ But hey, _Great Detective_ , why stop there?! Let’s see how far this goes, huh?” She lifted her shirt some and moved her legs to show off a huge, ugly bruise over her left ribs, which someone could have easily counted, “This one was when he tripped over my shoes when he was drunk! How dare I leave them in the corner by the door, right?” Letting it go and shoving her left sleeve up, she held her arm out to expose four gently curving burn marks, “Stove top! My fault! I knew better than to let it be hot!” She jerked her sleeve back down and kept going, “These are just the ones I have right now, and you haven’t even seen my legs or back! Let me tell you, stairs are a real bitch when you trip trying to get up them or you get pulled down them! I _hate_ having a second-floor room! No! No, that’s not it! I hate that house! I hate that I can’t eat dinner because he drinks his! I hate that I can’t have things that make me happy! And, oh yeah, most importantly, _I HATE MY FATHER!_ ”

              As quickly as the dam had burst the floodwaters ran out and Natsuki was left panting in the wake of her outburst. She sniffed once, huffed an unsteady breath, and sniffed again. Then, with no more preamble than that, her entire body was racked with giant sobs as fat tears rolled down her cheeks and her eyes shut tight.

              ‘Catharsis. The release of strong or repressed emotion meant to provide relief,’ Yuri absently thought as she tried to process her new and terrible knowledge. She would have thought her horror novels would provide a sort of buffer, make her mind use to such awful things and thereby take the sting out of them. When it was someone real, someone you knew, though… Her stomach clenched sickeningly.

              Yuri suddenly reached out and wrapped Natsuki in a desperate hug, pulling her tight against her body. The injured girl fought her for a moment at first, twisting and trying to shove her away, but her grasp never wavered and after a struggle that had been half-hearted at best anyway she gave up and encircled her arms around her middle, holding her just as tightly. Feeling the fight go out of her, Yuri rested her cheek on her head gently and rubbed soothing circles on her back as she cried.

              She didn’t know how long they stayed there like that, her seemingly trying to physically hold an emotionally broken person together by will and grip alone. Eventually, however, Natsuki began to pull away gently and this time she let her go.

              Pink eyes flicked up to her for a moment before she sniffed again and used the sleeve of her shirt to carefully blot at her face. “Thanks…” she whispered. A beat later she added nervously, “Sorry, I got your shirt wet.” She fiddled with a loose thread on her cuff as she spoke, unwilling to meet her gaze.

              Glancing down briefly, Yuri observed the damp spot with little interest before returning her attention to the small girl in front of her, “Please, don’t give it a second thought. It will dry.” She didn’t receive a reply, so instead she found herself studying her friend. A bead of blood on her cheek attracted her notice and she frowned. That wasn’t right. Natsuki shouldn’t have blood on her face. Not now, not ever. It didn’t belong there. Yuri swiped her tongue over her thumb and used it to softly clean away the offending blot of red.

              “Ugh! Yuri, that’s gross!” Natsuki complained, recoiling from her slightly and arching an eyebrow, “You basically just spit on me, you weirdo.”

              Yuri’s eyes widened even as her face turned brilliant red. “Ah! N-no! I’m s-sorry. I-I just… the bl-blood, and…Sorry! I didn’t mean to be weird.” It was then that she became aware that her other hand was resting on Natsuki’s knee. ‘Oh, God, how long has that been there?’ she internally panicked, snatching her hand away like it was burned. Appalled at herself, she fidgeted with her hair anxiously.

              Clearing her throat a little and blushing in return, Natsuki muttered, “Um. You didn’t have to move your hand. That was actually kind of nice…”

              She blinked as she looked between her hand and Natsuki’s knee nervously. It felt odd to just put it back, but she said she liked it there and she was all in favor of comforting her friend. ‘What do I do?’ she thought frantically, warring with herself.

              “God, you are so awkward, you dork,” Natsuki snickered, putting both hands down and scooting around out of the corner to sit against one set of shelves. “Well, come on,” she commanded, patting the floor beside her, before adding quietly, “I mean, if you want to or whatever.”

              Relieved, Yuri slid over to the offered spot. She misjudged the distance and her right side ended up pressed against Natsuki’s left, causing her to blush again. “I-is this ok? I can m-move over some,” she offered, looking to the side away from her.

              Natsuki was already blushing and looking the other way. “Yeah, that’s cool. Just, um, careful of my ribs, ok?” she told her. It felt strange that she could even bring it up around someone else. She had been keeping this secret so long. The idea that one of her friends knew was equal parts liberating and terrifying.

              The dark haired girl nodded and bent her left leg up, hooking both hands together around it to keep them out of the way. She was quiet as she gathered her thoughts and questions together. Absently, she noticed how truly small Natsuki was compared to her. She could easily have fit within an outline of her body with ample room to spare. It made a protective feeling flare up in her chest and she nodded again to herself, picking where she would like to start. “I don’t mean to pry, but I do have some questions for you if you wouldn’t mind. Why haven’t you told anyone?” she asked without waiting for permission.

              She huffed. She knew this was coming, but she had kind of hoped that Yuri would be too shy to ask. “You know when they talk about ‘functioning alcoholics’? Well, that’s Papa to a tee. He puts up a really good front, and he’s charismatic as all hell. He charms women away from the bars all the time. No one would ever believe me, and I don’t have any proof that it was him and not someone else,” she explained. A blob of dried glue on the floor caught her attention and she picked at it as she muttered, “I snap at people a lot. I’m not very friendly. It would be reasonable for him to say it was from school or something.”

              “I suspect the reason you get mad at people easily is that you are what they call ‘hangry’,” Yuri remarked, earning a snort and a bump from the girl beside her. She could see a tiny smile playing at the corners of her mouth, though. She added, “And, I would not say you are unfriendly.”

              Natsuki swiveled her head around incredulously. “Yuri. You and I fight all the time. We literally just _had_ a fight. What are you even talking about?” she countered.

              Shrugging she answered, “It is true. We do tend to butt heads frequently, but you are forgetting that those are often over creative differences. You are also leaving out that our worst fights happened in the club’s early days. We have since found common ground many times. Though we didn’t attract any new members at the festival, I recall you being very inviting and supportive to the handful of people who decided to read a poem. You are more… forceful than I am, but I do not think that makes you unfriendly. You have spoken of your friends outside of the club before. Surely, they do not think that of you.”

              Brow furrowing, she stared ahead and frowned. “Thanks for saying all that, but I don’t actually have friends outside of the club. Not anymore anyway. I… I think they got tired of me biting their heads off all the time. I wasn’t able to have them over or anything either. And, it’s not like I really fit in with them all that well anyway. You know how in a group there’s always one that really sticks out? That was me. I think I got to be more trouble than I was worth,” she admitted bitterly.

              ‘That explains why she never told her friends,’ Yuri reasoned. “Then, it is their loss. At least, I feel that my life is better for having known you. Your point of view has certainly broadened my outlook on literature and types of writing. I consider you my friend,” she reassured her, tucking her long hair behind her ear on one side.

              “Really?” Natsuki wondered, one eyebrow raised. She nodded and a smile slid up her face, “Thanks. Same here. I mean, you’re as strange as they come, Yuri, but I like you.”

              Her cheeks turned a little red and her lips turned up at the corners shyly at the comments. It had been some time since someone told her they liked her. Well, disregarding Sayori, but she was pretty positive she liked everyone. Shaking the thought away, she cleared her throat and continued, “So, when did the, um…” She floundered as she searched for a way to ask her question clearly, but with tact.

              “When did my dad start beating the shit out of me and starving me?” Natsuki bluntly clarified.

              Yuri went pale, but said, “Y-yes. That.” It was rather disturbing to hear her put it in such a matter-of-fact tone.

              Leaning against her companion a little more for comfort, Natsuki sighed, “I dunno. Maybe when I was ten or eleven, so four or five years ago? It started out pretty minor, relatively speaking. A smack in the mouth here, a rough grab there. Nothing too awful. I started talking back to him around the same time he found the bottle. He didn’t appreciate that. The food thing started after I didn’t want to eat something he made for dinner. He was sober that time. It’s worse when he’s sober…” She shivered involuntarily as she thought about the cold, glittering glare he would fix her with that had the power to freeze her where she stood. When he was drunk, that look was muffled and bleary with booze and if she just moved quickly or quietly, she could get away with only minor scrapes and scuffs. If she was really lucky, sometimes she could even feign deference well enough to avoid getting hurt entirely. Sober, though, he was always quicker, always quieter, and always, _always_ angrier.

              She felt her tremble and placed her arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to brace her. “What does your mom say?” she inquired, already afraid of the answer. It couldn’t possibly be good.

              “Pfft!” she scoffed, “’Mom’, if you can even call her that, was never much of the motherly type. She saw the warning signs and got the heck out of Dodge, leaving me with him and never looking back. I don’t know where she is, and I don’t care.” She remembered thinking the car was already so full if she was planning a trip to the store. She had been dumb as a bag of hammers back then, she reflected. Papa had been furious that night…

              Appalled, Yuri leaned forward to look her in the eye. “You mean she knew what he was becoming and just left you to him? Oh, Natsuki…” she trailed off, not even sure what to say.

              She gestured into open air as if it was obvious. “She was a selfish survivor,” she told her, as if that justified being abandoned to a monster, “I guess I’m just lucky she didn’t eat me when I was born. I don’t think she wanted a kid in the first place, ya know?”

              She didn’t. While her own relationship with her parents was perhaps unconventional, she knew they loved her and wanted her. There had never been cause to doubt it, and when they discovered her _hobby_ they were devastated. If anything, they were too proud of her. She felt a strange urge to call them, but shoved it away. Now was certainly not the time.

              Settling back against her friend, she absently stroked her thumb up and down her shoulder soothingly. “Thank you for confiding in me. I know it could not have been easy for you, and I appreciate the amount of trust you are showing me,” she noted.

              Natsuki barked a laugh, “Well, it’s not like I chose to, Yuri.” She felt the other girl go stiff and the rubbing on her shoulder stop abruptly. “B-but, I guess I’m glad I did anyway,” she scrambled to add, “I needed to get that stuff out, I just didn’t want people to pity me. If I had to deal with that on top of everything else, I think it might actually end me. I especially didn’t want anyone in the club finding out. This is kinda the only place I feel good. I didn’t want that to change…”

              “I see,” Yuri conceded, understanding the concept of a ‘safe space’ entirely. As if just remembering where they were, she wondered, “How did you get in here in the first place?”

              Grinning proudly at herself, she puffed out her chest. “I found an open window and crawled through. I think someone forgot to lock it,” she proclaimed, preening at her own resourcefulness. She didn’t think the older girl needed to know that _she_ was that someone or that it wasn’t the first time. “You never told me what _you_ were doing here, by the way,” she prodded.

              Yuri froze again, then bolted to her feet, “Oh! O-oh n-no! Monika! Her homework!” Frantically, she checked her phone and was horrified to see that she was easily an hour past when the club president should have expected to have her file. Disappointed with herself, she pulled the flash drive out of her pocket to look at it guiltily and muttered, “I’m so stupid.”

              Getting to her feet much more calmly, Natsuki scoffed, “Calm down before you wet yourself! That’s Monika’s? Well, if she wanted it so fast, she should have come and got it. Or, better yet, she should have her crap together better than that. It’s not your job to make sure she has her stuff.”

              “W-well, no, but-” Yuri began to protest.

              “No, buts! She’s still going to get it, and she didn’t even have to go walking in the cold at night. I bet you were already in your pajamas, weren’t you? She should just be glad to have it at all. You’ll be home and have it sent to her in, what, twenty minutes? Yeah, that’s quick enough,” Natsuki defended her to herself. In truth, she was feeling a little guilty too for holding Yuri up with her sob stories, so she was also reasoning against her own self-consciousness at the moment.

              A shy smile graced her face as she listened to her adamant objections. Complaining about someone else was one of the little ways she showed she cared, and Yuri was grateful for it. “I-I suppose you are correct, Natsuki. Thank you,” she said, returning her original goal to her pocket. “What are you going to do?” she asked, voice full of concern.

              Crossing her arms and looking down with a frown, Natsuki shrugged. “I dunno… Maybe stay here for a little while longer before I go home?” she speculated, scuffing the toe of one shoe against the floor inattentively.

              The thought of the smaller girl going back to that house of terrors and pain made her want to gag. “Come home with me,” she blurted. Her face turned crimson and she barely choked back the urge to explain herself or rescind the offer. She didn’t really want to take it back anyway, and Natsuki could always tell her no.

              Pink eyes raised to hers and Yuri could tell that she was trying very hard not to look too hopeful. “Don’t, um, don’t you need to ask your parents first?” she inquired tentatively.

              Shaking her head, she explained, “I live on my own. My parent are, well… let’s just say they support my independence. It’s not very big, but I promise I have room for you. I-if you w-want to, of course…” Glancing at her cheek she added quietly, “I h-have a first aid kit too.”

              Natsuki chewed at her bottom lip for a second. “Did you get kicked out?” she asked.

              “What?!” she yelped, “I assure you I-!” Natsuki was smirking at her, eyes twinkling with mischief. A joke. She was messing with her. Chuckling, she felt her nerves settle and said, more steadily, “No, we are on good terms. They pay for it, and have promised to do so as long as I maintain my grades and attendance. Will you come?”

              She reached up to rub her neck and admitted, “That actually sounds really great, Yuri. Thanks.”

              She didn’t know why she was lightly blushing now, but she was even as she smiled. “You are welcome,” she replied, “Now, where is your coat?” She pulled her gloves from her jacket in preparation for the journey home.

              “I, uh, didn’t have time to grab it,” Natsuki admitted, looking towards the window and frowning.

              Yuri paled as she looked her up and down, taking in her thin school blazer as her only means of weatherproofing. “You came all the way here in just your uniform,” she concluded, having meant it to be a question. Without another word, she started to shrug off her jacket.

              “Yuri, no! It’s freaking freezing out there! I’m the idiot who didn’t bring hers, so I should have to be the one to deal with it,” Natsuki protested, holding out her hand to try and stay her.

              “Forgetting one’s winter wear while fleeing in fear is hardly a mark of idiocy, Natsuki. I insist,” she declared. Seeing her hesitate, she plucked at her shirt and persuaded, “I still have my sweater and scarf. You take my gloves and jacket and we will both make it to my home in relative comfort.”

              She huffed, but accepted the offered clothing anyway. “Well, fine. If you are so determined to be all noble about it,” she grumbled. The taller girl thought she saw her smile when she looked down to set the zipper, but didn’t acknowledge it, letting her keep her pride.

              The two girls turned off the lights and shut the door, making their way out of the school. Once outside, they set a mutually brisk pace towards Yuri’s house, idly chatting about new books, school developments, and club activities along the way. Their breath puffed up around them as they walked, and despite being one layer short, Yuri thought she felt strangely warmer than when she had come this way earlier. Still, she was glad to get to her door and quickly unlocked it, gesturing for Natsuki to go in first.

              Natsuki whistled appreciatively. “Wow, man! Nice digs!” she complemented the portions of house she could see before her and around corners. Toeing off her shoes, she nudged them against the wall with her foot, then handed Yuri her stuff back. Curious, she began to wander forward to explore.

              Hanging her things on the coat rack and getting rid of her own footwear, she followed behind and explained, “On this floor, we have the kitchen and laundry room to your left, and the living room and a half-bathroom to your right. There is also a back door in the kitchen that leads to a small backyard, but I confess I don’t use it much, especially right now. Upstairs, in order from the stairs to the front of the house, are the master bathroom, my room, and a guest room.” Shyly, she added, “I t-told you it was s-small. I-is this ok?”

              “’Ok?’ Nah, Yuri, this is way better than ok! This is straight-up sweet!” the pink haired girl exclaimed. She looked at the spacious, clean counters in the grey-blue kitchen and imagined working on her cupcakes there. ‘Oh yeah,’ she thought, ‘That’s happening for sure.’ Crossing the little hallway, she took in the warm browns of the living room and had to convince herself not to vault over the back of the couch to check its softness. It seemed extra plush, and a cream covered blanket resting over one arm marked it as a perfect reading nest. Eager to see the next floor, she started up the stairs when something tickled her nose. “Hey, what’s that awesome smell?” she asked excitedly.

              Smiling proudly, Yuri took an appreciative breath and informed, “Lavender and lemon. Do you know anything about aromatherapy?”

              “No, but I bet you can tell me,” Natsuki replied as she reached the top of the stairs and made for the first door. She opened it and flipped on the light, smiling at the bathroom done in a sunny yellow. The bathtub caught her eye and she wanted to groan, imagining how nice it probably was to use. Yuri even had a homemade bar of soap and bath bombs on display! She’d never used one before, but she’d heard good things about them. The light was left on and the door open in her enthusiasm when she walked to the end of the hall to see where she would be staying the night.

              She calmly turned off the light and shut the door behind her friend as she instructed, “Well, both scents soothe tension, but lavender helps with nerves while lemon is calming and clarifying. The lemon smell is also good for an immune boost during cold and flu season. At around four in the morning, the smell is set to change to rosemary to help me wake up a few hours later, and when I am experiencing a bout of writer’s block I will often use peppermint to stimulate my thinking. I have others, but those are my current favorites.”

              Walking backward for a second, she beamed, “That’s really cool! I should get some of that stuff.” Reaching the end of the hall and throwing the door open, Natsuki almost squealed. “It’s pink!” she bubbled, taking in the dusty rose color happily, “Not that you asked me, but I freaking love this room!” Belatedly, she realized that she had dropped her guard entirely in her expedition around Yuri’s home, but, oddly, she found she didn’t care. What pretense was there for her to keep anymore when it was just the two of them? “Can I see your room?” she asked, interested but trying to respect her space.

              Yuri played with her hair nervously, and stammered, “Y-you really w-want to?”

              “Well, I mean, yeah. But, um, not if you don’t want me to or something. It would be really rude of me to take advantage of your hospitality like that,” she stated. “I won’t get grossed out or disappointed if it’s messy or something,” she offered considerately.

              Still uneasy, she turned and lead the way to her door and admitted, “I-it’s not that. I l-like to clean, so everything is neat a-and put away. I-I just…well, y-you’ll see. Y-you trusted m-me, so now I s-suppose it’s my turn.” She just hoped she didn’t think she was _too_ weird after this. It would make her feel awful to make her guest uncomfortable, especially given her alternatives.

              Taking a deep, soothing breath with her hand on the door-knob, Yuri opened her room up and allowed the smaller girl to go in first. She heard a muffled gasp and an exclamation, and her gaze dropped to the floor while her hands tangled low in her hair. ‘Oh God,’ she panicked, chest heaving, ‘I think I’m going to be sick.’

              “These are really neat, Yuri.”

              Her head lifted up quickly in shock. Natsuki sounded…admiring? How could that be? When people found out, the reactions typically ranged from nervous to disgusted. But, there she was, undoubtedly staring at her knife collection on its peg board, and approving. “Th-thank you?” she croaked, staggered by such a vastly different reaction.

              Natsuki lifted up one hand to trace over the curved handle of one pocket knife styled to look like a gold eastern dragon with green jewel eyes, the blade folded down into the dragon’s belly. If it were extended, it would appear to be coming from its mouth and the dragon’s body would make a comfortable grip. All in all, it was a wonderful piece of craftsmanship. “Where did you get all these? They’re beautiful,” she wondered, her observation shifting to an iridescent purple one before she glanced back to see Yuri hadn’t moved from the doorway. She was looking at her like she wanted to bolt, but towards her or away from her was anyone’s guess. “Are you alright?” she worried. She returned half way across the sage green room, but didn’t want to get closer and spook the older girl.

              Yuri suddenly laughed, and the sound was so quick and unexpected it made Natsuki jump. As her friend looked at her like she had grown another head, she smiled and put a hand to her chest. “Please, forgive me for startling you,” she giggled, before getting herself back under control, “The truth is, you surprised me first. I have not historically had positive reactions to my collection, and your appreciation of them was highly unexpected and a relief that I cannot begin to express the magnitude of. Most find me weird at best.”

              Snorting, she waved a hand dismissively, “Oh, you’re definitely weird, Yuri. I told you that earlier. But, it’s not because you have a cool knife collection. Some people collect stamps. Those guys are the real weirdos.”

              Elated, Yuri came into the room and grabbed Natsuki’s hand, pulling her back over to the wall gently. “Again, thank you. Thank you very much,” she said, feeling as if she were on top of the world. “You asked me a question that I have yet to answer, however. Most of these are from artisans, both local and not. A few of them were gifts from my parents upon returning from business trips. You may be able to pick one or two of those out as they are not as in synch as the rest of my display,” she explained, looking between them and remembering a few of the acquisition stories particularly fondly.

              A flame patterned one drew her attention and Natsuki smirked, “That one’s gotta be from the folks.”

              Clapping playfully, she nodded, “Good eye. You are correct. I think that one was from one of their trips to the United States.” She sighed good-naturedly and confessed, “I appreciate their thought, but they have no feel for aesthetics in this case, and most of the ones I get from them are horribly balanced.”

              Opening her mouth to reply, the younger of them was cut off as her stomach growled, demanding attention unabashedly. She turned red and looked away, muttering an embarrassed, “Sorry…”

              She smiled sadly and corrected, “No, Natsuki, _I_ am sorry. I’m afraid I have neglected one of my duties as your host. Forgive me. Will you allow me a chance to rectify the situation?” She motioned towards her door, inviting her to the kitchen.

              Still refusing to look at her, she grumbled, “You don’t have to cook for me. I’ll be fine.”

              “Then, what if I were to warm up some leftovers?” she pleaded, “Please, my friend. I-I know you are hungry…” She almost didn’t want to ask, but a sense of morbid curiosity compelled her, “Wh-when did you last eat?”

              Natsuki ducked her head, reluctantly admitting, “I, um, had an apple this morning. Papa bought some to go with his lunch, and I snagged one.”

              Yuri frowned. One apple hours ago. That was not nearly enough for anyone, let alone a developing teenager. Her eyes flicked over to her knives and she startled herself by wondering what it would be like to plunge one of them into Natsuki’s dad. Climbing out of her own head and away from that thought, she listed off, “I have meatloaf, vegetable soup, chicken alfredo, and supplies for sandwiches. Do any of those appeal to you?”

              Uncharacteristically shy, she requested, “Can I have some soup? Or, a PB and J?” She finally looked back up at Yuri again, and it was easy to read the mixture of discomfort and shame in her expressive eyes.

              “You may have both, if you would like them,” she assured her quietly, taking her hand once more and coaxing her into the hall. As she led her down the stairs, she recalled some of the offhand comments Natsuki had made regarding food and glanced at her to mention, “And, you may eat as much or as little as you chose. I promise I will not get cross with you.”

              Blushing, Natsuki looked straight ahead and nodded. There was a foreign feeling welling up in her that made it hard to know what to say, and she _always_ had something to say. She fumbled as she tried to place the emotion, sure she had felt it before. Whatever it was, she knew it had been a while since it last settled over her and it made her feel warm. The last time she could remember it was when a friend’s mom handed her an extra pillow at a sleepover probably, geez, five years ago? She blinked as she realized that she felt ‘cared for’. Her eyebrows knit together in contemplation and she turned to study Yuri’s face. Her long purple hair was tucked back behind her ears and there was a quiet sense of purpose to the set of her mouth. She snapped out of her reverie when she let go of her hand, and was sort of surprised to see that she was in the kitchen already.

              Yuri walked over to her refrigerator, calling over her shoulder, “Please, have a seat. Have you decided what you would like?”

              Pulling the chair out with a quiet scuffle, she answered more confidently, “Both, please. And, I don’t care what kind of jelly on the sandwich.”

              The older girl nodded and produced a medium sized bowl of soup and a jar of apricot jelly from storage, quietly glad that Natsuki had no preference since she had no other options. She placed the soup in the microwave and began work on the sandwich, retrieving the bread from its box and the peanut butter from the cabinet. “What would you like to drink? I could make tea, if you would like,” she said, slathering one slice of bread with the sticky yellow jelly.

              Natsuki laughed. “Man, you are always up for tea, aren’t you? About to read? Gotta have tea. Need to wake up in the morning? Tea time. About to go pee? Better put the kettle on first!” she joked.

              “Natsuki!” she admonished, turning bright red.

              She just laughed again, taking delight in Yuri’s bashful nature. “It’s true, isn’t it?” she teased on.

              Still blushing, she smiled slightly and jested back hesitantly, “…W-well, not every time.” Out of habit, she sliced the sandwich down the middle as her friend giggled happily. It was good to hear her laugh, even if it was at her expense.

              Grinning, Natsuki finally returned to the topic at hand and replied, “I’d rather have milk if you’ve got it. Goes good with the peanut butter, ya know?”

              Yuri nodded her agreement and placed the sandwich in front of her friend, then turned to get a glass and the milk. After she had taken care of that, she reclaimed the soup, which had dinged its readiness sometime during her mocking, from the microwave and added it and a spoon to Natsuki’s growing place setting. “Is this satisfactory?” she asked kindly, hoping she had supplied everything Natsuki needed.

              “This looks great!” she cheered, grabbing one half of the sandwich and sinking her teeth in. Her eyes closed with a happy little groan and she chewed quickly so she could talk again. “Thanks,” she continued, more subdued and sincere while reaching for her milk.

              ‘I think if I blush much more, I am going to permanently stay this color,’ she thought as she felt her cheeks heat up again. “It was no trouble at all,” she vowed, “I am glad it is to your liking.” Monika’s flash drive suddenly drifted into her thoughts and she excused herself, “If you will be so kind as to wait here for me a moment, I have to return upstairs to attend to something. I won’t be long.” She turned to leave.

              Behind her, Natsuki cleared her throat and worried quietly, “Yuri? You’re not going to ‘feed the raccoon’, are you?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here is the next chapter! Special thanks to all who read and left me a comment or a kudos. I am really glad this has been well received so far, and I hope I don't disappoint with this chapter.

              Yuri froze. She felt like the bottom fell out of her stomach and she would never be able to put it back. Devoid of color, she slowly pivoted back around to face Natsuki, trying very hard not to shake. “What do you mean?” she attempted to bluff.

              The smaller girl’s hand played against the milk glass nervously, her foot beating a frantic tattoo on the floor. Her face was calm though. She felt like she had to hold at least that much together. “Cut the bullshit. I know, ok?” she explained, “It’s not like it was hard to figure out. Your language is fancy, Yuri, but the way it was worded…Well, there was only one thing that poem could have really been about.”

              She felt trapped. Leaving the room now would be as good as an admission, but all she really wanted to do was run. Get away from Natsuki and what she knows. Run. Run far and as fast as she could. She did not do that. _Could_ not do that. Instead, she pulled out the chair across from her…would they still be friends? She sat down and forced herself to fold her hands together above the table, hoping that would keep them still. “T-that was a persona,” she evaded, hating for the billionth time how her voice always shook when she was unsure.

              Natsuki was trying to be cool about all of this, she really was, but that made her angry. Her eyes hardened and she growled, “ _Don’t_. Lie. To _me_. Not tonight. Not after everything else.” She took a huge breath and exhaled slowly, trying to reign in her temper. “I have _never_ seen you wear short sleeves,” she said, trying not to make it sound like an accusation, “Even when it’s practically on fire outside, you always stay covered. Even the goths go sleeveless in hundred-plus degree weather. And, when someone touches your arm and you aren’t expecting it, or sometimes even when you are, you flinch away. It’s like you’re scared of them. But what you’re really scared of is what they’ll think. Right?”

              Her lips pressed together in a bleached, hard line. It was very strange, knowing she knew made her simultaneously never want to do it again and go grab a knife right then. She hadn’t even felt the urge until it was brought up. She had been too busy, too distracted by attending to Natsuki’s needs to remember her own horrible secret. Once the cat was out of the bag, though, it was like her emotions welled up inside of her, demanding release in the vile manner they had become accustom to. “Who else k-knows?” she quavered, terrified to know the extent of the damage.

              “I think Monika and Sayori are suspicious, but they are too busy trying to tell themselves they’re wrong to open their damn eyes. I don’t sugarcoat anything but a cupcake every now and then,” she told her. She waited a moment, then declared, “I’m not going to tell them.”

              A pin-point of relief slowed her heart a beat, but it was short lived. It felt like this wasn’t over. No, this felt like it was barely started. It was sickening in a way she hadn’t felt since her parents had found out. Nonetheless, Yuri croaked, “T-thank y-you.”

              Natsuki shrugged, buying herself time to collect her thoughts by taking a mouthful of soup. She set the spoon down and swallowed, then asked the most pressing of her questions, “Why, Yuri? If it makes you feel this bad just knowing that I know, why do you do it?”

              She grabbed a section of hair to play with, giving herself something to focus on besides Natsuki’s confused and hurt face. “You wouldn’t u-understand,” she mumbled.

              Pink eyes rolled as she scoffed, “No shit! You’re dead right, I don’t get it at all. I spend most of my days _avoiding_ pain. I don’t know why anyone, especially you, would go looking for it.” She saw her glance up guiltily before redoubling her efforts with her hair. Outside of that, the other girl was stock still. You could have put a camera on her head and the picture wouldn’t have budged. She sighed. “But, I’m trying over here. Talk to me,” she pressed.

              Ever the opposite, while it took Natsuki no time to confess her situation, Yuri needed a long moment to force her words. “S-sometimes…” she began very carefully, “Sometimes it’s all…too much. H-how I’m feeling…I can’t...”

              “You get all worked up, and there’s no place to put it?” she clarified.

              Yuri nodded, feeling another short burst of relief. She had never realized Natsuki was so observant or understanding. ‘It must be hidden by all the false bravado,’ she reasoned. “Y-yes. H-hurting myself…i-it feels l-like I’m more…g-grounded,” she admitted.

              Her hand idly twisted her glass in a circle as she tried to process her justification. She frowned and countered, “Ok, but that doesn’t actually solve the problem, does it? No pun intended, it’s just a band-aide solution at best. Then, you just feel like crap.”

              “I know,” Yuri whispered miserably. Any minute now, Natsuki was going to get disgusted and leave. How could she not? Even if she didn’t want to go home, she could go to one of their other friends. It would be better than being around her, wouldn’t it? She would probably even reconsider and tell them. It was too gross. _She_ was too gross. They didn’t deserve to have to put up with her anyway. She felt tears burning at the corners of her eyes and said, “I…It’s t-true…What t-they call me? I-I _am_ a ‘crazy freak’, aren’t I?”

              The tall beauty couldn’t hold it back anymore and buried her face in her hands, weeping into them quietly but powerfully. Her shoulders shook with the force of her sobs as she heard Natsuki get up from her chair. She was probably leaving, loathing finally filling her and forcing her out. She almost jumped out of her skin when she felt Natsuki’s hands on her shoulders. Oh God! Was it bad enough that the other girl wanted to attack her? Felt the need to punish her? But, no. Her arms slid around her shoulders and her belly pressed into the top of her head. Natsuki was…holding her while she cried. She was comforting her, not hurting her. Confused but grateful, Yuri snaked her hands around the other girl’s middle and held on like her life depended on it.

              Natsuki lifted one hand and pet her friend’s long purple hair, trying to be more soothing. ‘Christ, this is soft!’ she thought, ‘I see why she’s always playing with it now. It’s like a flat bunny.’ Shaking her head slightly to return her focus, she lowered her head closer to her ear and said, “Shhh…no, Yuri, you aren’t. I don’t think so, anyway. Don’t listen to what the bastards at school say. They don’t know jack about jack. Shhh…The only ‘crazy freak’ things about you are how crazy smart and freaking awesome you are. You’re compassionate and intense, and those losers are just jealous. So what if you’re on a horror kick right now? At least you read more than memes and Facebook posts! You know one of my classmates tried to hand in a paper in chat speak? Yuck! Now, that’s crazy for you!” She realized she was on a bit of a tangent and huffed, stopping herself to bring things back around, “Look, I won’t lie, I think your coping mechanism sucks, like, a lot, but I wanna help you beat it. I still want to be your friend, Yuri.”

              Sniffling, she pulled back to look up at her face through watery eyes. “Y-you do?” she hiccupped, even more shocked than before. She hadn’t hoped…hadn’t _dared_ to hope…

              “I mean, duh!” she exclaimed, rolling her eyes, “I’ve known for months. If I didn’t, I would have left you alone a while ago. I just didn’t know how to bring it up, is all. It’s not like I could just walk up and say, ‘Stop slicing up your arms, dummy!’” She used one hand to wipe her cheeks, hoping she could get her tears to slow down or, preferably, stop.

              She felt like she was supposed to laugh at that, but things were too raw for her at the moment and the joke fell flat. “Why?” she asked, dumbfounded, “W-why do you w-want to be my friend? Why d-do you want to h-help me?”

              Natsuki’s eyebrows raised practically into her hairline. “Jesus, you need some self-confidence lessons,” she muttered before saying louder, “Because I like you, ya nutjob! Dammit, weren’t you listening? I practically waxed poetic about your ass a minute ago. I don’t like seeing you hurt, even if you’re the one doing it, so I want to help make it stop. It’s not rocket science.”

              Looking into her eyes, Yuri could read Natsuki’s concern and determination despite her harsh words. She still didn’t understand how she could be this different from everyone else, this supportive, but she found she also didn’t care. She didn’t need to comprehend it to be glad for it. “Thank you,” she whispered, sliding her arms back around her and hugging her close.

              “Ribs!” the younger girl yelped and jerked back suddenly, pulling away from her friend as quickly as she could. She saw her face screw up in distressed anguish and barked, “Don’t! Don’t apologize. You forgot. It’s fine.”

              “Ah, b-but-,” she started, feeling wretched for aggravating one of her friend’s many injuries.

              Locking Yuri in a pointed glare, Natsuki dragged her plate and bowl across the table loudly to cut her off. She moved her food to the chair beside the other girl so that they could continue to talk. Hopefully, she reasoned, coming closer would help things feel more like a conversation and less like an interrogation. She closed her mouth and Natsuki gave a single, satisfied nod, smirking as she picked up her milk and took a gulp. Exhaling her contentment, she pulled the chair out and plopped down in it. “Now,” she announced, “I answered your questions earlier, so it’s your turn. I’m going to eat and listen, and you’re going to talk, and then _we’re_ going to try to figure this out. I will be here for this whole thing, so let’s get this trip down shit creek going, alright?”

              “O-ok,” Yuri agreed, feeling comforted that she wouldn’t be alone in confronting her demons. She really did want to stop, but with Natsuki’s help, for the first time in a long time, she thought it might actually be possible. “Where would you l-like to start?” she invited.

              She took a bite of sandwich and chewed thoughtfully. After she swallowed, she opened the discussion with, “So, do your parents know or not?”

              “Yes,” she confirmed. Natsuki twirled her spoon impatiently in her direction, asking for elaboration. She coughed a little and said, “T-they found out about a year ago. Mother slapped my arm in play and it caused me to cry out. Before I could stop her, she moved my sleeve and…saw. They were very upset, as one might imagine. I am afraid I was not entirely truthful with you earlier. I have not received a knife as a gift from them in some time.”

              Snorting, Natsuki commented, “I’m surprised you got to keep them at all.”

              She leaned back in her chair, trying to get more settled, and replied, “They were not keen on the idea in the slightest. However, they knew how much my collection meant to me, and so they offered a trade; my agreement to see a therapist for my knives. I have also often thought that they were worried I would only become more secretive or destructive. T-they were probably correct…”

              “Ok, so you saw a shrink. I take it that didn’t work out?” she posited between mouthfuls.

              To her interest, Yuri shook her head, “Actually, going did assist me with some of my problems, just not the ones I had intended to work through. You are familiar with the Salvato Corporation?”

              Natsuki barked a laugh, “You mean the multi-million dollar one with their hands in all the pies? Yeah, I think so. What about them?”

              “My parents are the co-founders,” she informed, “They-!” A spoon hitting glass and a choking sound redirected her attention to her now red faced and sputtering companion. She put a hand on her shoulder and fretted, “Are you alright?”

              Coughing, Natsuki wheezed, “Holy hell, Yuri! Are you-are you shitting me right now? You mean to tell me you’re not just rich, you’re mother effing loaded?!”

              She blushed and amended, “T-technically, m-my parents are…” Her hands found her hair and she asked, “I-is that…d-does it make you u-uncomfortable? I-I’m sorry…”

              “’Uncomfortable?’ Hell no! I just didn’t realize I was friends with the daughter of the people who founded freaking Salvato Corp! It’s not like ‘my friend’s an heiress’ is something you find out every day!” she babbled, feeling like she might be coming off a little frenzied. She took a deep breath and playfully feigned mild curiosity, putting her chin in one hand, “I mean, that’s very interesting, Yuri. Why do you bring it up?”

              Yuri laughed a little shyly and continued, “W-well, I suppose you can see where living up to their achievements could be… daunting. Don’t misunderstand me, they didn’t try to make me into them or something of that sort. But, they often wanted me to go with them to business parties and social functions, and it was all very taxing for me. I could never make myself feel like I belonged there. After an evening out, while my parents would come back elated, I would return exhausted. I also have no mind for business. The math of it is simple enough, but the bidding and the interfacing and all of the things that truly make a business _work_ eludes me. Mother and Father tried to help me learn it all when I felt like I should show some initiative towards the family business, however, it didn’t take and this only added to my feelings of inadequacy. I…” She suddenly stopped and ducked her head, “I-I’m rambling, aren’t I? S-sorry.”

              Shrugging, Natsuki said, “Kinda, but, like, I asked. Keep going.”

              Encouraged, she lifted her head and concluded, “I ended up discussing my feelings with the therapist, and she arranged a meeting with my parents. She encouraged them to allow me to be more independent, which is how we reached an agreement on my housing situation. They receive copies of my grades and, if I am ill or need to miss school otherwise, I am expected to inform them of my absence and its reason, but outside of those things I am left to handle my own affairs and provided with money to see to them. The therapist was right. Having my own home has relieved much of the unconscious tension I was carrying by living with my parents and has supplied me with my own quiet space in which to create and determine what I would like to do.”

              The other girl cocked one eyebrow and drawled, “So you went to stop cutting yourself and ended up with a house?”

              Yuri’s cheeks turned pink, “W-we worked on that some t-too. The aromatherapy and the soothing bath supplies are meant to help. For a brief time, they even did. B-but, I relapsed. I stopped seeing the therapist. I didn’t want her to think all of her work had been for nothing, and, to be entirely honest, I didn’t want her to tell my parents to move me back home.”

              Scrubbing at her forehead, Natsuki sighed, “I’ve never been or anything, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how therapy works, Yuri.” Her host looked away again guiltily. She didn’t want her friend to get discouraged and clam up, so she switched gears. As gently as she could, she coaxed, “Can I see your arms?”

              Instinctively, she moved her arms under the table, keeping her hands locked together. It was one thing for Natsuki to know, and that thing was frightening to begin with, but it was an entirely different matter for her to _know_. “Why?” she protested.

              Natsuki vaguely wondered if Yuri was capable of a normal skin color anymore, having only seen ghost white and fire engine red for what felt like the entire evening. Moving slowly, she shuffled her now empty bowl and mostly empty plate out of the way. Then, still at a snail’s pace, she reached across the corner of the table and placed her hands palm up and open, inviting her scared friend to take them. “I just wanna know what we’re working with here,” she reassured her softly, “It’ll be ok. Remember, I’m here to help. I’m not going to run away. I’m your friend.”

              Taking a deep breath and releasing it shakily, she nodded, “O-ok…” It was actually remarkable how patient the younger girl was being with her, she noted. Natsuki always seemed brash and quick to get frustrated. In all of this, though, she had never once hurried her or gotten angry when she took too long. The observation combined with her words and she felt a trickle of courage harden her resolve. She couldn’t help the trembling as she placed her hands in Natsuki’s, nonetheless.

              A small, bolstering smile slid up the pink haired girl’s face and she gave the hands in hers a gentle squeeze. “One at a time, alright?” she proposed, looking into her purple eyes.

              Yuri didn’t trust her voice at the moment, so she nodded again.

              Another squeeze and she finally broke eye contact with her. She looked down and pulled her left hand away from Yuri’s for use. The trembling stopped and she went dreadfully still as she took hold of her left shirt cuff. Carefully, she used both hands to roll up her sleeve, thankful for the sweater’s stretchiness. It was almost as if even Yuri’s clothes wanted to help her. She tried to control her face, but she knew she was grimacing as she revealed more and more of her marred flesh. Biting her tongue for now, she silently repeated the process with her other sleeve just as smoothly. When both arms were exposed and laid out before her, she released a breath she hadn’t even known she had been holding. “Well, it’s, um, it’s not great, but it’s not as bad as I was worried it would be, either,” she declared as she inspected, one hand rubbing lightly down her arm alongside the scratches but not over them. There were a lot of scars and she could easily pick out fresher wounds in varying states of healing, but it looked like she at least tried to keep her cuts clean. There were also none of the deep gashes from pictures she had seen that she had desperately hoped to be missing.

              “I-I-I-!” she stuttered anxiously, chest heaving far too quickly. Natsuki made little shushing noises, urging her to calm down for a second. Yuri inhaled deeply, breathing in the lavender and lemon, and shut her eyes to center herself, then exhaled slowly and opened them. Feeling steadier, she tried again, “Since we started having assignments in club, I have not felt the urge as strongly. It is still present, but I can sometimes go as long as a few days between…events if I am feeling particularly creative.”

              Natsuki beamed at her. “Ok, so then that’s a great start,” she affirmed, looking down and rolling her arm to see how far across the scratches went. “I’m not too surprised. They said writing could help,” she offhandedly commented.

              “W-who?” she asked, feeling fear begin to build up again. She had said she wasn’t _going_ _to_ tell anyone, but had she _already_ _told_ someone?

              She huffed and the noise sounded almost like a laugh. “The internet. I looked some stuff up from Dr. Google. I have a whole beginner’s bag of tricks for this in my head at this point. Clever, huh?” she boasted, grinning to herself.

              Smiling shyly, she hummed a little noise of approval. It was a little stunning to her that the younger girl had not only known her secret but had also begun working on solutions for her. Then again, tackling a problem head on was a very ‘Natsuki’ way of handling things. She didn’t balk at road blocks, she just lowered her head and drove through them. She found herself a bit jealous of her courage. Her train of thought left her mouth’s station before she could switch the track and she babbled, “You’re remarkably brave, Natsuki.”

              Turning bright red, Natsuki looked away and frowned, “You…you can’t just say stuff like that,” she admonished. She shifted uncomfortably and muttered, “Especially when it’s not true.”

              Blushing as well at her boldness, Yuri leaned forward to try and catch her eye. “But, it is the truth,” she persisted, “Why would I lie about that?”

              She squirmed in her chair. “Did you forget how this whole night started? I _ran_ _away_. That’s not brave at all,” she argued, voice full of frustration and defeat.

              Yuri put her right hand over Natsuki’s to get her attention. When she looked up at her, she smiled tenderly and said, “You did run. You ran away from an unfair fight with an opponent probably twice your size, if not three times. That is nothing to be ashamed of. Every evening after school, you walk back to your house knowing what awaits you. And you _still_ open the door and go inside. Every morning, you get up and do it all again. You are so strong and so courageous. You are amazing.”

              Natsuki laughed nervously, and shook her hand away, “N-now look who’s getting all weirdly emotional,” she retorted. She coughed and looked down with a blush, then mumbled, “But, um, thank you. Really. I’ve never…no one’s ever told me that before.” Suddenly brisk, she patted Yuri’s arm and declared, “It’s your turn to be brave, though. I’m going to ask you a few things you aren’t going to like answering, so brace yourself. Are any of these cuts from today?”

              Why had she been lauding her bluntness again? It currently felt rather silly of her to have done so. “N-no!” she reported, “The newest ones are from yesterday.”

              “Good,” she nodded, “Well, good-ish, I guess.” She shrugged, then asked, “Did you want to do it today?”

              “…Yes,” she finally whispered shamefully, thinking her hesitation had probably answered for her anyway.

              She gave her arm a reassuring squeeze and gently requested, “When? Why?”

              Yuri looked down and spoke towards her lap, “When you told me you knew. It was…a lot. Very suddenly a lot.” She looked back up shyly, expecting to see disappointment but finding guilt instead.

              “I’m sorry,” Natsuki apologized with a frown, “I swear I didn’t mean to make you want to. I, um, I kinda panicked. I didn’t want you to hurt yourself while I was here. I mean, I don’t want you to do it at all, but…”

              “I…I-it’s ok,” she told her, touching Natsuki’s arm tentatively with two of her fingers, “As you said, it wasn’t intentional. And, by keeping me here and talking, and not leaving, you effectively stopped me as well. I…’thank you’ is not enough for what I feel, Natsuki.”

              Smirking, she patted her arm again and withdrew her hand, standing up from the table. “Well, don’t thank me yet. We still have a few more things I want to try tonight, and in the morning I expect you to call your therapist to arrange an appointment. Come on!” she commanded, hiding the giddy feeling she had behind determination and purpose. She left the kitchen and headed for the stairs.

              Yuri was still trying to process her odd sadness at the loss of contact when the whirlwind that was her companion started giving her orders. She had barely stumbled to her feet when a flash of pink hair disappeared around the corner. Stunned by the rapid pace things had abruptly switched to, she could only pause and blink, looking between the doorway and the dirty dishes. Feeling twitchy at the idea of leaving a mess behind, she began to stack the dinnerware together to take to the sink.

              “Leave it, Yuri!” Natsuki called, “It’ll be fine for a few minutes! Let’s go, Long Legs!”

              ‘Long legs?’ she thought, lighting up again and self-consciously glancing down. Well, she was one of the tallest girls in school. Was that a compliment or a joke or even…a nick name? Shaking her head to clear it, she looked back at the dishes and hesitated again.

              “ _Yuri!_ ” came the demand from the stairs.

              Flustered, she snatched her hands away from the plate on the bottom and yelled back, “Fine!” She forced herself not to look back as she made her way into the hall to see Natsuki already at the top of the second story. “Pardon me for wanting to keep my home tidy!” she huffed, climbing the stairs quickly.

              Natsuki snickered, “Four dirty dishes aren’t going to make this place a pigsty. I’ll even wash them after we’re finished.” Satisfied that her friend was finally following her, she turned and threw open the door to her room, heading to her desk.

              “You will not! You are my guest. I did not ask you here to do housework,” she objected, almost right behind her due to taking the stairs two at a time to catch up once she saw her room being invaded. She crossed the threshold in time to see the smaller girl opening her top desk drawer. Outraged, she demanded, “Why are you going through my things? What gives you the right?” She swiftly made her way across her room and pushed the drawer closed again, then folded her arms over her chest and frowned.

              Natsuki rolled her eyes. “What are you getting all defensive about? You keep your porn in here or something?” she challenged, keeping her hand on the handle. Her mouth dropped open in shock and indignation, and she could feel a fight coming on. In a way, she almost wanted to let it happen. Fighting with Yuri was comfortable. It was safe and just the right amount of messy. A fight would probably get rid of that weird tingly feeling she had started to get in her stomach. But, they had bigger fish to fry tonight and, much as she wanted to for the sake of a hint of normalcy, it wouldn’t be productive or particularly helpful. She gave a little groaning growl noise, jerked her hand back and crossed her own arms, “Before you say it, I know. ‘That was out of line!’ Look, I’m sorry. I was just looking for some stuff. I should have asked.”

              Caught off guard, the purple-haired girl just blinked. She felt her anger retreat as fast as it had come and she was left confused at the sudden departure. “Oh. Well,” she fumbled, unsure of what had just happened, “Apology accepted.” She looked at her thoughtfully for a moment as she unfolded her arms. Finally, she asked, “What were you trying to find?”

              Grateful the weird scrutiny was over, Natsuki sighed and said, “I need a red marker and a couple of rubber bands.” As an afterthought, she added, “Please.”

              Yuri turned to her desk for a moment and fished the requested items out of their respective places inside, then handed them to her companion. Curious, she wondered, “And what are we to do with these?”

              She dropped the rubber bands on the desktop for now and uncapped the marker. Handing it back to her, she explained, “The site I read suggested using a red marker on where you would normally hurt yourself instead. Give it a try.”

              Taking a small step back, Yuri looked between Natsuki and the marker in her hand nervously. It felt too…intimate? Wrong? Gruesome? The thought of making mock incisions while she watched made her throat go dry. She’d never wanted anyone to know. Now, she was being observed. Her hand shook as she placed to tip against her left arm, but she couldn’t make herself pull it across. She stared at it and felt like she was going to throw up until a small, soft hand landed on top of hers. Raising her head, she locked eyes with concerned pink ones and suddenly realized she was breathing hard again.

              “Never mind,” she calmed, “You look like you’re going to be sick.” She pulled the marker from her grip and put the lid back on, slapping it closed with her palm. “Maybe this isn’t the right one for now. You can come back to it, if you want, now that you know what to do,” she briskly advised, grabbing the rubber bands instead.

              She closed her eyes and pursed her lips in a little “o” of an exhale, greatly relieved at the unexpected but welcome reprieve. Her heart rate had just started to go down when it suddenly spiked back up again as she felt Natsuki’s hands glide over the tops of hers tenderly, her fingers settling against her wrists. Eyes popping open, she found the other girl much closer to her than she expected. Her breath caught as she gazed down while her friend gazed up. Yes, they were _much_ closer than she’d thought they would be. She would have to turn her head to see anything but Natsuki’s face, and she found that she really didn’t want to. In the back of her mind, she wondered if it had been this warm since they got to her home. “N-natsuki…” she started, faltering in coming up with the rest of the sentence.

              _Snap!_

              “ _Ouch!”_ Yuri yelped, leaping away and shaking both hands wildly, as if that would get rid of the sudden stinging from the rubber bands slapping against her wrists. A strange, higher-than-normal laugh echoed around her room and she looked to its source with hurt and bewilderment. “What was that for?!” she shrieked, tucking her injured hands under her arms and away from their assailant.

              Cheshire cat grin in place, Natsuki stepped forward and gently tugged her hands from their hiding place. “Relax, Yuri. I was just making sure you didn’t chicken out again,” she lied as she looked down and started to rub at her wrists with her thumbs to soothe the ache. “Snapping yourself with a rubber band is another of the workarounds the website said to try. Substitute the pain with something less dangerous, you know?” she told her.

              Nodding, she responded dryly, “I see.” It made sense, in an odd way, and she thought that perhaps this would work better than the marker. She could definitely be more subtle with the rubber bands, at least. If anyone happened to catch her, a constant fear, it would be much less obvious what she was doing. She might even be able to play it off that it had gotten caught on something.

              The younger girl moved both of her hands to concentrate on one of Yuri’s and raised it pointedly. “This is on the more relaxing end of the spectrum,” she announced, “This? Massaging your hands? It’s supposed to help you calm down and focus. That’s my last tip for the night, but I expect you to talk to your therapist about all of these and any more she thinks you should try. I’m not a professional or anything, so you’d be kinda dumb to just take my word for it.” She felt her cheeks dust with pink and looked down, pretending to be paying attention to what she was doing as she stroked the hand in her grip firmly but not painfully.

              “Ok,” Yuri agreed, thankful for the knowledge being shared with her anyway. She quietly watched as Natsuki rubbed and kneaded at her palms, digits, and, yes, wrists. She felt the stinging abate and tension she didn’t realize she was feeling being to ebb away. “That feels nice,” she whispered.

              “Yeah, well, I ain’t doing your feet. That’s all you,” she joked, smiling at the husky chuckle that answered her. She hated to break the warm mood, but she had another question. Switching hands, she quirked her head towards the peg board of knives. “What do you want to do with the kids?” she asked.

              Gazing over at her collection, she frowned. “I…I don’t know. I want to keep them, but if they were to begin gathering dust there- Oh, but you’ll think I’m being stupid and sentimental,” she dismissed, looking sheepishly at her.

              “Try me,” Natsuki replied, tilting her head to the side, listening.

              Sighing, Yuri said, “Well…it seems rather wasteful not to use them. They were made with a purpose, and as a mere display they are lovely, but lacking. I would also miss tending to them. Sharpening and polishing them is sort of…sort of like taking care of a pet, or several pets, to me. Th-that’s weird, isn’t it?” She wanted to play with her hair, but with only one hand available she settled for re-tucking some behind her ear.

              Her masseuse gave a noncommittal grunt and answered, “Yeah, kinda. But, it’s Yuri-weird, so it’s ok.” The compliment earned her a shy smile, and that tingly feeling wasn’t going away. Maybe soup and peanut butter didn’t go together all that well. They seemed to be having some kind of reaction in her system. “Anyway,” she continued, “I think I get what you’re saying. Why don’t you use them to make something? You’ve got all kinds of styles and shapes over there. That’s bound to count for something.” Patting her hand once, she let go and moved beside her to appraise the collection as well.

              She curled her hand over her chin as she considered the suggestion. “Do you mean whittling, for example?” she mused, picturing sinking one of her blades into a block of wood. ‘That might be satisfying and therapeutic in its own right,’ she thought.

              Natsuki shrugged, “Yeah, sure, I guess. Any kind of crafting that needs a knife really. I’ve even seen this one thing where people are getting old books and folding and carving the pages to make art pieces. Whatever floats your boat.” Absently, she reached up to scratch at her nose, wincing a little when she did it too hard.

              The motion caught Yuri’s eye and she remembered that she had promised the younger girl a first aid kit. “We need to clean your injuries,” she pointed out quietly.

              She half-grinned and teased, “You aren’t gonna lick me again, are you?”

              Smiling timidly, Yuri replied, “No. I thought we would use traditional medical supplies this time.” She motioned for her to come with her and led the way towards the bathroom. Seeking to keep the playful banter going, she joked, “Perhaps, I will lick you another time.”

             Her heart and feet stopped and her eyes went wide as she realized the double meaning laying like a poised cobra in her words. She whipped around to see a very similar expression on the other girl’s face, both of them having frozen a few steps apart in the hall. “ _Not like that!_ ” she choked, “K-kidding! I was kidding!”

             “You…” Natsuki started, trying and failing to find her words. Then, she chuckled nervously and shook her head. “You are so _awkward_!” she giggled. Gradually the sound built, and she found herself hanging on to the banister, laughing harder than she had in a very long time.

             The sound was infectious, and Yuri soon joined her, red faced and trying to stifle her own mirth behind her hand. She didn’t entirely understand why she was enjoying her embarrassment this time, as opposed to wanting to sink into the floor, but it was a welcome if unprecedented change. Natsuki was right; she _was_ awkward. When she said it though, it didn’t seem like such a dreadful, isolating thing.

             As their laughter died down, a chime sounded in the hallway and Natsuki dug her phone out of her pocket, pushing a button on the side to bring it to life. Her smile faded and was replaced by a look of worry and fear. “It’s Papa,” she volunteered, glancing at her friend anxiously before tapping a few buttons to bring up the message. Her eyes flicked over the words and she turned pale and trembling. She wordlessly offered it to the older girl.

             Yuri accepted the device like she was being handed a bomb. In some ways, she almost would have preferred the explosive, seeing how the phone had effected its owner. She looked down and read, “ _You worthless, ungrateful bitch! Where the hell did you go? Are you with some boy? Spreading your legs for him for some damn comic book? You better not get pregnant, you slut! Did you run out on me, too? After all I’ve done for you! Don’t you dare come back here! I will beat you to a bloody pulp and break every bone in your miserable little body if you do! Do you understand me, Natsuki? You just think you’ve seen me mad! If you come back here, there won’t be enough of you left to wipe off my boot, you stupid little shit!”_

             Covering her mouth for an entirely different reason, she lowered the phone so she wouldn’t have to see the terrible, terrible things said to her friend in that message. The vile words seemed to knit together so effortlessly, it was not hard to imagine such poison being spit at her every day. Her eyes drifted up to take in the pink-haired girl that suddenly, inexplicably looked even smaller than she already was, and she didn’t know what to say; where to even begin to find a way to combat such nastiness.

             “Yuri…Yuri, what am I going to do?” Natsuki whimpered, tears starting to roll down her cheeks, “D-did he mean just tonight, or did he kick me out for good?” She began to hyperventilate as she became hysterical, “Yuri, I don’t have anywhere else to go! I don’t have any money, or other family, or anything! I can’t go back there! He’ll kill me, Yuri! I know it this time! You saw the text! What am I going to do?! Yuri?!”

             Swooping forward, she wrapped herself around her in a tight embrace, hugging her around her shoulder to avoid her hurt side. She felt Natsuki’s arms squeeze her middle, returning the hold as she bawled loudly against her chest. Looking straight ahead at the door down the hall, Yuri made a decision. She rubbed her back and reassured calmly, “Shhh. Shhh. It is going to be ok. _You_ are going to be ok.”

             She seemed to cry impossibly harder at that. “ _Ho-ow?_ ” she wailed, shaking them both with the force of her sobs.

             “Please, try to calm down. Listen to me. Does your father work tomorrow? What time is he typically expected home?” Yuri asked, keeping her tone even but speaking up to be heard. She had never felt surer of anything in her life, there was no reason for her voice to shake right now.

             Confusion worked on her where comfort had flagged. Natsuki turned her head to the side, hiccupping and coughing wetly, and her eyebrows knit together, but she slowed down some. Between gasps and tears, she struggled to answer, “H-he wi-ll be at w-work un-until s-s-six.”

             She nodded, mind already filling in the details of her plan. “Excellent,” she pronounced, “Then, you and I will be abstaining from club activities tomorrow. We are going to get your things as soon as school is over. We will not be able to carry much, but between the two of us I am sure we will acquire the essentials.”

             Shoving away from her harshly, Natsuki glared up at her through dewy eyes. Anger was a good emotion. Well, no, she guessed it technically wasn’t, but it was reliable. If she was angry, she didn’t have to be scared. “And what good is that gonna do, huh?” she demanded, “What, are we decorating the box I’m going to have to live in now?”

             Yuri didn’t miss a beat. She stepped closer again and placed a hand on each small, shaking shoulder, anchoring the other girl. “You are not going to live in a box. You are going to live with me,” she told her.

             “Wh-what?” she sniffed, astonishment stealing any other words from her. She dashed her cheeks dry quickly, whining a bit when she was too hard on her hurt one.

             “I said, ‘you are going to live with me’,” she repeated, brushing pink hair away from her face reassuringly, “You can have the other bed room.”

             Natsuki was already shaking her head, “You just told me you like living alone. I can’t ask you to do that for me.” She bit her lip and tried to hide her fear as she suggested, “Maybe it won’t be that bad to go back. Maybe he’ll calm down after a while.”

             “Absolutely not!” Yuri objected, trying very hard not to panic, “Natsuki, I must insist you follow your instincts on this! Do not return home. You did not quite understand what I told you earlier. I couldn’t continue to live with my _parents_. I never said I could not try to live with someone else. I am not so naïve to think things will be perfect, but I am confident that we can work through any issues together.”

             Shuffling her weight between her feet apprehensively, she could not deny that the offer was extremely tempting. She had her pride, though. “I…um, no. I can’t pay you anything, and I am not going to freeload off my best friend,” she protested weakly.

             Thinking quickly, the purple haired girl countered, “You would not. Your rent will be three cupcakes a week.”

             She frowned, “There is no way that’s enough. My cupcakes aren’t _that_ good.”

             “I beg to differ,” she smiled coaxingly. Her mouth twitched, but she did not smile back. Seeing that her companion was still unconvinced, she took a deep breath and amended, “Three cupcakes and your support, then. I…I am not sure I am strong enough to tackle my _habit_ on my own, Natsuki. I think I might be if you were around to help me.” How she still managed to feel vulnerable after everything else that had come out this evening was beyond her, but she was consoled by the understanding she found reflected back to her.

             Natsuki finally nodded. “Uh, o-ok. Ok, yeah, it’s a deal,” she agreed, wrapping her hands around Yuri’s elbows, seeking to return the comforting pressure she still had on her shoulders. Uncharacteristically timid, she lowered her gaze to the floor and mumbled, “This won’t screw up our friendship, right? Like, even if it goes bad? We’re, um, we’ll stay friends?”

             An ache panged through Yuri’s chest and she cupped Natsuki’s face with her left hand, gently guiding it back up towards her. “I am here to help you. I’m not going to run away. I am your friend,” she echoed her words from earlier, then she dropped her voice and whispered, “And, I swear I will never hit you, Natsuki.”

             Suddenly, she felt Natsuki’s hands on either side of her face and her lips upon hers. Yuri’s brain filled with static and before she had a chance to decide if she wanted to kiss back or not, it was over. The younger girl let go of her and stepped out of her reach quickly. Her entire body felt hot and she knew she had to be red from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. Wide eyed, she stared at her and realized that the same was true for the other girl. Her hands flew into her hair, and she started running her fingers through the lower portion feverishly.

             “F-first aid kit?” Natsuki squeaked, desperately trying for a distraction. What the hell had she been thinking just now?! She coughed and hoped her voice wouldn’t sound like that ever again.

             Yuri jumped like she had been shot and scurried over to the bathroom. She opened a cabinet under the sink and produced a large white box with a green cross on it. Placing it on the counter top, she hustled out of the bathroom and gestured inside, “T-there you go!” Her new roommate came forward and she started down the stairs, almost slipping on the first one. “D-dishes!” she blurted, “I’m g-going to d-do the dishes! I’ll g-get you something to s-sleep in when I’m f-finished.” She waited until she nodded stiffly, then turned to go. Half way down, she looked back to see Natsuki looking at her as well. Both girls flared up anew, and Yuri darted into the kitchen as the bathroom door slammed shut.

             Safely isolated next to the sink, she started the water and let it warm while she added some soap to a sponge. Flicking her eyes towards the bathroom, she couldn’t help the unrepentantly girlish giggle that bubbled out of her as she brought her fingers to her still buzzing lips. ‘My first kiss!’ she thought euphorically, ‘And to think, it all started with…’

             Natsuki almost hit the ceiling when a loud bang suddenly came from the kitchen and Yuri shrieked, “ _Monika!_ ”

 

             Across town, the athletic, green-eyed girl checked her watch again frantically. _10:38 PM_. “Come on, Yuri!” she begged, pacing beside her desk. A pleasant _ding!_ rang from her open laptop and she lunged toward it hopefully. A victorious whoop left her lips as she wrapped her hand around her chair and jerked it out for her to sit in. Spinning to face the screen, she breathed, “Finally! Geez, what took her so long? Better have been important…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there it is, all finished! I hope you enjoyed my work! Thank you again for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> Cliffhanger! Don't worry. Chapter 2 is already written and will be posted either tomorrow or the next day. I just want to gauge interest a little. See you again soon!


End file.
